Author of the Harry Potter series J. K. Rowling revealed in an interview that the inspiration for the Dementors came from her bout with depression. In my mind a Dementor was a metaphor for all the stupid, embarrassing things we’ve all done and and that continue to haunt us (usually at 3:00 a.m.)

More than a few times I’ve wishes I could go back and change what I said, what I did, what I should have done but didn’t.

In my previous post I wrote about the possible origins of the fear of rejection. According to author and historian Steven Pressfield, “Evolution has programmed us to feel rejection in our guts. This is how the tribe enforced obedience, by wielding the threat of expulsion. Fear of rejection isn’t just psychological; it’s biological. It’s in our cells.”

That got me wondering: Could our (I presume) universal sense of being haunted by our pasts be related in some way to the fear of rejection? And if it is, isn’t it time we get over it?

There’s a research thesis in here somewhere but I’ll leave that task to someone with a lot more energy and time than I have. Meanwhile, let’s pull up our big girl pants, go out there, and try something new. What’s the worst that can happen? As long as it’s not illegal, chances are good that the tribe members will not  expel us from the tribe. And if they do, well…it probably wasn’t the right tribe in the first place.

Reflections.jpg copy

“Reflections”   mixed media on paper


Author: Judy Westergard

Retired English teacher, self-taught painter, inveterate reader and still lovin' my Kindle!


  1. Dear Judy – First, let me say how much I appreciate your posts. Very meaningful. Very meaty and very impressive that you are able to do so. Being open about our vulnerabilities is not easy. Your last post had me wondering if I should offer a link to an essay I’d just finished reading, but I hesitated because discussions about religion, politics and football (a Texan just told me that football has now replaced Money) are not seemly in polite company. We all know that, of course, but probably for that very reason, they SHOULD be discussed in order to get the bugaboos out of the way. But now, reading this latest post, there is a simpler, less-controversial suggestion I can offer–are you familiar with Brene Brown’s videos on YouTube? Or her books? If not, they are worth taking a moment to watch…possibly from the very first, about Vulnerability, then the second, Shame will complete the cycle. She is wonderfully funny and insightful. Pretty much saved my life three years ago when I was WAY DOWN in the pits about being acceptable or competent a human being. Every once in a while I return to her for refreshing myself. Recently I watched a new one, a follow up on her own experience of a 12-hr marathon watching some t.v. series after reading an overload of personally negative comments about her YouTube presence. Powerful, and very funny and human and reassuring. Here’s the links, in case you have not yet seen her: [ ]( ) SHOOT! It is happening again–terrible connection! Okay, I won’t struggle with it…check out the link and if you like it, the next one follows up with her experience with reactions to it and enlarges on LISTENING TO YOUR SHAME. Then the last recommendation, the latest I watched, DARING GREATLY TO UNLOCK YOUR CREATIVITY Will close now, and at a later date, if interested in an essay about the childhood influences of religious dogma, I will send that. I have no wish to convert anyone regarding their spiritual beliefs, but the coincidence of reading it and your post gave me pause about it possibly be of value to your inquiries. Hope my internet connection is still working enough to send this! love to you, Diane


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